Tuesday, 10 April 2012

round and around

So we haven't moved out of the rented house....yet.

We have agreed with the landlord that we will stay for a while longer but only on a month to month basis.

There has been a lot of negative energy around here about where to go, put simply DH and I do not see eye to eye about future plans. DH wants to continue working for a while until it reaches a natural end., ie until he is given notice. The problem is that the end might be next month or it might not be until another several months. I just don't see the point in hanging around for a temporary job when I am climbing the walls here to get going.  If we had a place of our own here it might be different, but hanging around here in a rented not very nice house waiting for DH to get home all day is really soul destroying. DH says that he wants the extra money and he does not want to endure the heat in southern europe in the summer.

Personally I am suspicious of the delaying tactics. After a bit of interrogation DH said that he is scared of being hot and bored, but he is prepared to go to Portugal in September.

To me September is like writing off the whole year. What if we want different things?

So, it strikes me that I need to up and go myself.

And so I am off to Ibiza for a month, I really cannot wait to go. I will be at our usual haunt in the north of the island. There is plenty there for me to do. I have booked a flight on 14th May to come back roughly one month later.

It seems like a long time until the middle of May.


Jerry Critter said...

Rather than hot southern Europe, how about going north, like somewhere in Scandinavia where it will be cooler?

Alice ~ writer, traveller, boater said...

You sound like me!!! enjoy!!!! and well done xxx

The Quest said...

Good for you. We have a similar situation in that I am retired already and the spouse is not, although we are on the same page as to what we will be doing once the spouse IS retired. If we had been smarter with our money, the spouse could've retired already but, as it is, he has to put in at least anther 4 years work time. We both see those 4 years as time down the drain so I know what you mean about becoming impatient and just wanting to GET ON WITH IT!

Do you think that perhaps you want different things/situations than DH? What happens if you both cannot agree on a timeline?

It's great that you can take off by yourself to Ibiza. Personally, I wish I could do the same but I need to work on my codependency issues. Here again, living with the fear of abandonment as a child has carried well over into my adult life, impacting daily decisions. I can be so codependent at times that it is paralyzing, infuriating and devastating all at once so it is good to read that you can go off by yourself and do what YOU want to do. I would love to read about your solo adventures so please post about them!

Dreamer said...

Hi Jerry, that is a really good idea, go north, I would love to go to Norway for example, it could be a good compromise, you never know :) xxx

Alice, well yes :)! I think with relationships there must be a compromise to be had somewhere, rather than stay frustrated I just have to get away for a while and do my own thing xxx

Quest, I know what you mean about time down the drain, when I met my husband he was not good with money to say the least, money came in and it was spent and more, we too could be sitting in a better financial position than we are now had we realised earlier on what we wanted to achieve, if we had had a plan earlier we could have saved much more anyway ....

But I can relate to the codependency issues, I confess that I like and need to be looked after, there was a complete absence of nurturing in my childhood, I can be very needy and my greatest fear in life is being left alone, including my fear of my husband dying and leaving me on my own in the world, because he is my rock... I try to take comfort in the fact that I believe that we have a strong relationship and I know that with myself I need to work on my fear of being alone.

If we cannot agree then we will have to compromise. Because, I have realised that I could force my opinions on him but I dont want him to be unhappy, I believe that there is a compromise to be had with most things but I do worry that he does not really ever want to retire because I think he likes working, so that could be a big problem. One compromise is that we have a base somewhere abroad and he comes back and fourth to the UK to work, not ideal but there are variations to this option....

Re Ibiza, I am going somewhere that I have been before so I may be alone but I wont be lonley if that makes sense because its a place where there are familiar faces I know and I wouldnt feel uncomfortable for exmaple in going out to eat on my own, going for a walk etc. Perhaps you could work up to taking the plunge just for a weekend to somewhere nice by the sea and see how you feel, you might be suprised, im sure 1 - 2 hours north of where you are that there are some lovely places. The best place to start IMHO is somewhere you have been before so you know what to expect, just give it some thought, see where takes your fancy. If you are not too far from home and you hate it you can easily return. And yes of course I will be writing about itxxx

Anna said...

Great idea! I am sure this is going to be a good period for both of you - some space and something interesting to talk about apart from "why are we here?"

I LOVE solitude type situations where there are lots of people around me. I feel deliciously wistful in crowds.

Dreamer said...

Hi Anna, yes I am really looking forward to it, "deliciously wistful" as you say :) and yes it will give us something else to talk about, I do need time away from "it" if you know what I mean, a few weeks is not long enough so lets start with a month x