Monday, 2 April 2012

monday blues

The date for moving out of the rented house is fast approaching. We cannot decide where to go and what to do for the best. There is so much indecision that "it" feels completely overwhelming.

After much thought I have told DH that I do not want to to rent another house while he is at work all day and I am left on my own. I see little point in moving to a high cost of living area for a temporary job. The job could end at any time and then we are stuck with paying for an expensive lease out of pocket.

We are meant to be moving out in two weeks time. I don't know where to go for the best. I think we are going to go on a road trip, perhaps we will put the car on the ferry to Spain and drive down to Portugal. We were very impressed with southern Portugal on our recent trip and we both feel that it somewhere where we could spend time. Money seems to go further in Portugal  than Ibiza, although Portugal is no longer the very cheap place it was years ago.

I don't know if it is a good idea or not but I have to try something different. I MUST NOT lose my nerve this time because quite frankly I am scared. I need to feel that DH is in agreement with this and that I am not constantly dragging him along by his coat tail. DH keeps demanding that I come up with a plan, and well .... I haven't really got a plan.

I am starting to really despair at our situation, or really I am exasperated with myself. I wonder why I have struggled to find contentment, I have never fitted in anywhere, I see things differently to others. I cant relate to the mindless plodding and the banality of modern life. There is no social support for alternative thinkers. Some people may wonder what makes a person this way, what makes a person so that they cant settle that they never find peace, that they never fit, that they wander to here and there, that they have no cohesion to anywhere or anything.

To those people I say lucky you, lucky lucky you.


Jerry Critter said...

Contentment comes from within, not from surroundings.

Alice said...

I agree with Jerry... contentment comes from within. But I think perhaps that if you just let go a little, you might realise that your contentment is always trying different things (I am now accepting of this in myself!).

I say:


and look at central Portugal too :-) If my Italy trip goes well, I may be heading back there myself to volunteer in the summer xxx

Dreamer said...

Hi Jerry, a feeling of peace within oneself no doubt helps enormously however, I do feel that it is a somewhat oversimplification of the issues.

Jerry Critter said...

It is absolutely a simplification of the issues...and something very easy to say and very difficult to do.