New Directions

Well I am REALLY looking forward to going to Ibiza for a month. It will be a nice rest from cooking and cleaning etc. I have never wanted to be a house wife. Which way is the office? Only joking.

But seriously, I said to DH the other day that I would prefer to be the one going out to work and he could clean house, do endless chores and ensure that my evening meal is on the table. I hate cooking but I enjoy good food. I would love to eat out more but it is so expensive and I really begrudge paying lots of money for what is mediocre food at best.

We have decided that DH will come out for a holiday to visit me when I am in Ibiza.

DH is at last getting fed up of the office. So it is agreed that we are leaving the UK in August and we are going to be travelling indefinitely. Well it isn't so much going travelling but rather nomadic living as a lifestyle choice. The rough plan is that we will head over to northern Spain and in September we will make our way down to Portugal. We are going to load up the car and initially we are going to camp. Thereafter we hope to find somewhere nice to stay a while in Portugal and get some accommodation.

So that's the rough plan. It is a very rough plan but deliberately so. For a change we ARE going to go with the flow and not get obsessed about filling in the blanks and the future. I really want to try a different way of living.

I don't want to settle here in the UK. I don't want to buy a house here. I dont want to be tied down I want to be free to go where I please. That is the way I feel at the moment, whether that will change I don't know.

round and around

So we haven't moved out of the rented house....yet.

We have agreed with the landlord that we will stay for a while longer but only on a month to month basis.

There has been a lot of negative energy around here about where to go, put simply DH and I do not see eye to eye about future plans. DH wants to continue working for a while until it reaches a natural end., ie until he is given notice. The problem is that the end might be next month or it might not be until another several months. I just don't see the point in hanging around for a temporary job when I am climbing the walls here to get going.  If we had a place of our own here it might be different, but hanging around here in a rented not very nice house waiting for DH to get home all day is really soul destroying. DH says that he wants the extra money and he does not want to endure the heat in southern europe in the summer.

Personally I am suspicious of the delaying tactics. After a bit of interrogation DH said that he is scared of being hot and bored, but he is prepared to go to Portugal in September.

To me September is like writing off the whole year. What if we want different things?

So, it strikes me that I need to up and go myself.

And so I am off to Ibiza for a month, I really cannot wait to go. I will be at our usual haunt in the north of the island. There is plenty there for me to do. I have booked a flight on 14th May to come back roughly one month later.

It seems like a long time until the middle of May.

monday blues

The date for moving out of the rented house is fast approaching. We cannot decide where to go and what to do for the best. There is so much indecision that "it" feels completely overwhelming.

After much thought I have told DH that I do not want to to rent another house while he is at work all day and I am left on my own. I see little point in moving to a high cost of living area for a temporary job. The job could end at any time and then we are stuck with paying for an expensive lease out of pocket.

We are meant to be moving out in two weeks time. I don't know where to go for the best. I think we are going to go on a road trip, perhaps we will put the car on the ferry to Spain and drive down to Portugal. We were very impressed with southern Portugal on our recent trip and we both feel that it somewhere where we could spend time. Money seems to go further in Portugal  than Ibiza, although Portugal is no longer the very cheap place it was years ago.

I don't know if it is a good idea or not but I have to try something different. I MUST NOT lose my nerve this time because quite frankly I am scared. I need to feel that DH is in agreement with this and that I am not constantly dragging him along by his coat tail. DH keeps demanding that I come up with a plan, and well .... I haven't really got a plan.

I am starting to really despair at our situation, or really I am exasperated with myself. I wonder why I have struggled to find contentment, I have never fitted in anywhere, I see things differently to others. I cant relate to the mindless plodding and the banality of modern life. There is no social support for alternative thinkers. Some people may wonder what makes a person this way, what makes a person so that they cant settle that they never find peace, that they never fit, that they wander to here and there, that they have no cohesion to anywhere or anything.

To those people I say lucky you, lucky lucky you.