Monday, 29 June 2009

Where is my place in the world?

Now that The Escape is getting closer, I admit to feeling a little skeptical about it.

I am frightened of not finding my place in the world, the place where DH and I were destined to be.

I am looking forward to travelling and not being tied to a job. But at the same time I am scared that I will end up being a permanent wandering malcontent. I'm not sure whether these thoughts are reasonable or not or whether they just form part of my depression.

I am not sure that an itinerant lifestyle will ease my soul. I need a place or a base in the world.

I have come to realise that "The Escape" will not solve all of my problems. It may not bring relief to the background noise in my head which appears to be almost permanent.

The trouble with me is that I am much too fond of introspection. Too much thinking and self evaluation never did anyone any good. I'm a big thinker, I could sit all day and think.

I am fed up of living in the future, I want to live for the now instead of planning all the time.

Life is too short. None of us know what is around the corner.


Jack said...

This is by far my favorite post from you. You might be rcognizing the limitations of introspection and possibly opening yourself up to something more immediate and real.


Jerry Critter said...

It sounds to me like you want to be doing something that you think makes a difference in the world. Put your energy (thinking) to work and figure out what it is.

Dreamer said...

Jack - thanks yes, if i think about things too much I might talk myself out of them!

Jerry - you just might be right.