Darkness

Lately I find it a real struggle to get out of bed every morning.

Most days I just want to stay in bed all day every day.

I am hoping that this darkness will lift soon.

Weekend blues

Feeling down again today. Its a long weekend and its hard to keep the demons at bay whilst stuck at home in the city. Most of the time my social isolation does not hugely bother me but this weekend it does. I think how nice it would be to socialise with people, especially people my own age. We could have gone away for the Easter weekend but what pleasure is it when everyone else has the same idea. The motorway queues, kids running around, queues at the airport. No thanks.

I'm not sure how long I can put up with city living for. There isn't anywhere around here where I would move to as an alternative. Well not anywhere where DH or I can commute to our present jobs. The next move will be semi rural. I need trees and green and I need to be close to the water and the outdoors.

So away again we shall move. Away again anonymity and no support structure. Constantly searching, searching for what? What the hell am I searching for and what am I running from?

Oh yes I forgot, I'm running from a dysfunctional childhood.