Sunday, 13 January 2013

thoughts

So I am back in Ibiza after the Christmas break.

Christmas was very difficult. My husband could see that there was something wrong and that I was distant. He did not want me to return to Ibiza.

Over the Christmas period I missed Mr X very much and I know he missed me too. Now I am back here in Ibiza and I am feeling very lost.

I'm in so much pain emotionally. Mr X has started to get serious. He has hinted that he is not happy at the fact that I continue to be married. I cant blame him. He has hinted at the word marriage. I'm so confused. I thought it was what I wanted. I do love him. The feelings I have for this man I have never experienced before. He is like a drug. I know I should stay away but I cant, when we are together its just too good, it makes me want to cry. But I need to be sure and I'm not sure. 

I just don't think I can live on this island year round. Island living is already starting to grate on me. Life with Mr X would involve me being here year round. His life is here and most importantly his job is here. There are other things which I am unsure about. He wants children and I don't know whether I do. I also like my independence and relative freedom. Now if I want to get on an aeroplane and go somewhere I can. I'm not sure Mr X would stand for it.

I do not want to hurt anyone, I dont want to hurt my Husband he would be devastated. The thought of causing him any pain or distress is eating me up inside. Im not sure that emotionally that I can withstand a divorce. I fear that any happiness with Mr X would be overshadowed by the pain of the divorce and the guilt. How could I do that to my Husband?

There are also practical considerations. Am I in a financial position to go it alone? Mr X has no financial security to speak of. He has a reasonably well paying job but he lives day to day. But he is a very clever man, he speaks several languages and has many skills that he turns his hand to. The fact is that whether we like it or not we all need money to live. I've experienced financial poverty and hardships as a child and as a young adult and it is not something I ever want to return to.

I need to take things slowly. I need to be sure about Mr X. I ask myself whether the real draw is just the physical side of the relationship which has been lacking for many years in my marriage. 

11 comments:

Jerry Critter said...

Hey! It is great to hear from you again.

I am gong to give you some advice. Read it carefully. It is just my opinion, but it is based on personal experience.

One, clear up your situation in the UK before doing anything else. In order to do that, you need to talk to a professional. You need someone to help you sort through your emotions.

Two, you seem to be projecting your feelings on to Mr. X. Unless he has clearly and unequivocally stated that he loves you, wants to marry you, and have children with you, you are just making up things to make you feel better. Right now, he is at best a transitional relationship. Those usually fail once the primary relationship (you and your husband) is sorted out.

I don't mean to be tough on you. I do care and I do not want to see you torn into so many small pieces that you cannot be put back together again.

Take care of yourself, and solve the problem with your husband before to attack the problem of Mr. X.

Anonymous said...

I think you should consider the fact that he has no capital and you have. What does he really want from you?

Jerry Critter said...

Are you public again?!?

Dreamer said...

Hi Jerry, great to hear from you too. Yes he has said clearly and unequivocally that he loves me and wants to marry me. I have tried to avoid in depth and specific discussion about it because, I suppose I am scared. I am scared that the relationship will fail and what then? I am scared of the change. I am scared of finding out that I've made a huge mistake. I dont doubt my feelings for him but I dont think that love is enough for a relationship to work, I think both parties need to be fulfilled as individuals instead of seeking contentment solely within the relationship. I dont know whether I can live here all year round, whether there is enough for me to do here. Sometimes I get a bit bored.

As for children we have not really discussed it, save that I know he wants them.

Hi Anon, I understand what you are saying. Its passed through my mind. I dont discuss finances or money with him at all, however, he has probably made certain assumptions because of the way I live over here.

Jerry, yes public again for a while.

Jerry Critter said...

Here is my simplistic advice. Easy to give, hard to followed.

1. Go home.
2. Resolve your relationship with your husband first.
3. If you decide to stay with your husband, never go back to the island again.
4. If you decide to leave your husband, complete the separation, emotionally and legally, before returning to the island to figure out Mr. X.

You can't resolve two relationships at the same time.

I wish you the best. You have a rocky road in front of you.

Dreamer said...

Jerry is it ok if I email you?

Tony said...

I have to agree with Jerry. I don't want to sound harsh but it sounds like you want your cake - and eat it! I think you need to resolve things with your husband one way or the other first - before your hand is forced.

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Anonymous said...

We are all waiting with baited breath to find out what happened - put us out of our misery please. On a more serious note hope all is well with you!

Jerry Critter said...

E-mail me if you ever see this comment...please.

Anonymous said...

I think you should rename this blog to "escape the husband"