tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28515116787070157892024-03-13T17:07:40.140+00:00Escape (d) the 9 to 5Work less, live more. A thirty something female's journey to
financial independance, freedom from the rat race and escape from Britain.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.comBlogger113125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-17175800597359422892013-01-13T15:42:00.001+00:002013-01-13T15:42:57.503+00:00thoughts So I am back in Ibiza after the Christmas break.<br />
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Christmas was very difficult. My husband could see that there was something wrong and that I was distant. He did not want me to return to Ibiza.<br />
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Over the Christmas period I missed Mr X very much and I know he missed me too. Now I am back here in Ibiza and I am feeling very lost.<br />
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I'm in so much pain emotionally. Mr X has started to get serious. He has hinted that he is not happy at the fact that I continue to be married. I cant blame him. He has hinted at the word marriage. I'm so confused. I thought it was what I wanted. I do love him. The feelings I have for this man I have never experienced before. He is like a drug. I know I should stay away but I cant, when we are together its just too good, it makes me want to cry. But I need to be sure and I'm not sure. </div>
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I just don't think I can live on this island year round. Island living is already starting to grate on me. Life with Mr X would involve me being here year round. His life is here and most importantly his job is here. There are other things which I am unsure about. He wants children and I don't know whether I do. I also like my independence and relative freedom. Now if I want to get on an aeroplane and go somewhere I can. I'm not sure Mr X would stand for it.</div>
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I do not want to hurt anyone, I dont want to hurt my Husband he would be devastated. The thought of causing him any pain or distress is eating me up inside. Im not sure that emotionally that I can withstand a divorce. I fear that any happiness with Mr X would be overshadowed by the pain of the divorce and the guilt. How could I do that to my Husband?</div>
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There are also practical considerations. Am I in a financial position to go it alone? Mr X has no financial security to speak of. He has a reasonably well paying job but he lives day to day. But he is a very clever man, he speaks several languages and has many skills that he turns his hand to. The fact is that whether we like it or not we all need money to live. I've experienced financial poverty and hardships as a child and as a young adult and it is not something I ever want to return to.</div>
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I need to take things slowly. I need to be sure about Mr X. I ask myself whether the real draw is just the physical side of the relationship which has been lacking for many years in my marriage. </div>
Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-35698578676614385912012-11-27T16:40:00.002+00:002012-11-27T16:40:57.276+00:00TuesdayThe day after tomorrow I fly back to the UK.<br />
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After three months here, this now feels like home. I love this place, it is even better in the winter. The weather has been lovely.<br />
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Im not sure how I am going to feel when I go back to the UK. I have so many feelings about Mr X. Yes I have fallen in love. It makes me happy, but it also makes me sad when I think about my husband.<br />
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But is this life any good for me? What happens now? Do I come back and fourth here and live a double life? I hate lies. I hate deceit. Mr X is asking me when I am coming back. But he is not asking me to leave my husband or anything like that. I know that he has feelings for me but I cant help but wonder if he finds the situation convenient. He seems accepting of the fact that I am married. Perhaps it is just as well because if he did put pressure on me then things would get very difficult. My head tells me to leave and never return but my heart is here. I do love my husband but I have realised that there is something lacking from our relationship, deep down I think I have known this for a long time.<br />
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I cant see how a life with Mr X would work full time. I need more than what this place has to offer. But I long to be with him. If I am not here I am scared that he might meet someone else.<br />
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Again I wonder what I am going to do in the UK. I really should try and find some work to have an outlet to take my mind off things. I am feeling very stressed to say the least.<br />
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Sometimes the things we want are no good for us.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-62573487623095344872012-10-11T15:14:00.001+01:002012-10-11T15:19:00.733+01:00still hereIm still here in Ibiza.<br />
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I've deleted a few blog entries. </div>
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I'm Ok. Things continue to be difficult emotionally but I still want to be here.<br />
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The weather is beautiful. We continue to have hot and warm days. I still love the island.<br />
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All things aside, I think I may have a good friend in Mr X after all. The thing is that we laugh a lot. We always seem to be laughing. Perhaps that is an attempt to deflect the more serious issues that need to be discussed. He looks out for me and checks to see if I am OK. Actually, lately I never seem to have a moments peace. He seems to be at the door all the time. He arrives for breakfast, comes to see me in the afternoon, he brings me food, he cooks for me. The other day he brought up a massive TV which he likes to stare at for hours. I cant understand most of it as it is all in Spanish. Well I am glad of the company most times, but sometimes I have to admit that I go out to escape. Sometimes its a bit too much.. I think perhaps that he likes the company too. </div>
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I will probably stay here in November. DH is coming to the island this weekend. I am going to the main town of Evissa to meet him. Last time he came here it was just too stressful for me what with everything that had gone on.</div>
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I'd really like to get back to work again. I think I need an outlet, a distraction from things that I shouldn't spend so much time thinking about. Part of the problem is that I need to focus on something.<br />
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In December I will go back to the UK for a few months and perhaps try to find some work for a while.<br />
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Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-69592453897913973702012-08-02T17:35:00.001+01:002012-08-02T18:17:59.161+01:00Countdown<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been impatiently awaiting the arrival of August. July was such a long month I thought it would never end. Time has dragged by. </div>
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So August has finally arrived. Less than three and a half weeks before my return to the island. I feel like a child at Christmas time, so excited. The anticipation continues to build.<br />
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Not much else to report. We have given notice on the rented house so we are definitely out of here. We have packed up what little stuff we have and will put it in storage. DH continues to work the consultancy gig, I cant see the job lasting much longer, maybe a month or two. </div>
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I cant help but wonder where we will be in November. Who knows........</div>
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<br /></div>Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-83318666797890153362012-06-29T17:36:00.000+01:002012-06-29T17:36:05.500+01:00The call of the island<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Portinatx</b></div>
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So after my last post I am feeling a bit better about things.</div>
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I am going back to the island at the end of August. I have booked a two month stay. I have booked a one way flight.</div>
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I dont know what I am doing from November onwards, and I really dont want to think about having a plan at the moment. I am fed up of planning, for now I just want to go with the flow. I dont know whether I will stay on the island over the winter. I might stay on the island or I might go to the mainland, or I might go somewhere hot over the winter. I just dont know. I will see how it goes.</div>
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We still do not know when DH's job will come to an end. I am keen for him to squeeze as much money as he can from the gig. They want him to stay until they can find a permanent replacement for his position. The job could be all over by September or it could go on for a bit. If this happens then DH will come out regularly including for some long weekends. As he is a contractor he can more or less come and go as he pleases when it comes to time off. We had previously written this off as it appeared to be nearly impossible to get back to the UK in the winter. However, it turns out that British Airways have launched a new winter flight from London City airport direct to the island, so it can be done. </div>
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If DH's gig remains ongoing into November then I will probably stay on the island until he is finished and we are ready to start the next stage of our life.</div>Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-83358391567712607332012-06-14T18:59:00.000+01:002012-06-29T17:12:02.590+01:00Back to realitySo I am back in Britain and I am not happy to be here.<br />
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I feel like I am on a huge downer. <br />
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I had to return to deal with some personal commitments. Also I didn't really want to be on the island during July and August.</div>
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To say I had a good time is an understatement. The time passed really quickly. One month just wasnt long enough. I like the pace of life out there, the day is longer, people eat their evening meal much later there, I felt much closer to the elements. <br />
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However, a few things happened on the island which made me question everything. I have realised that I am highly vulnerable in a number of ways. I still have to constantly monitor the demons. A lot of my anxiety stems from fear over my loss of control over the demons. I fear that one day they <em>will </em>succeed in putting me under permanently. This I have realised is a huge burden to carry around with me which in turn makes me sad, angry and lonely. I have also realised that sometimes I project sadness.</div>
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The rough plan is for me to return to the island in early September for an indefinite period. We are going to shut down the rented house for good. What we are paying for this stupid house is about the same as what the rent would cost me on the island, in the low season of course. My husband has agreed that he will close things down with his work and join me when he can. </div>
<br />Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-80063457832288541282012-06-05T11:47:00.000+01:002012-06-05T11:59:12.107+01:00Tuesday thoughtsWell its another beautiful day on the island.<br />
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Today I woke up and opened the shutters and the sun was shinning, the birds were singing, the pine trees were blowing in the wind and I could see the turquoise sea from my window. I could hear merange music being played softly by the cafe downstairs. <br />
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And I thought, it really doesn't get much better than this.<br />
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Last night was a late one, seafood at my favourite restaurant followed by some good entertainment and dancing around the corner. Again I marvel at my ability here to have a good night out without being skint and hung over the next morning. <br />
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My husband has left after his two week holiday here, we had a great time, some days it was cool enough for us to go on long walks into the forest and mountains. We also took the ferry to the island of Formentera, a small island 25 mins south of Ibiza. Formentera was beautiful, it looked and felt more like a Caribbean island than a Spanish one.<br />
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But I have realised that I need something to do, I cant imagine not working ever again. I like to keep busy. I do need an outlet or a sense of purpose. I have lots of business ideas, but every time I mention them to my husband he just seems completely uninterested. For example I would really love to run a restaurant, perhaps we could purchase a lease somewhere to see how we get on. I also have an idea about being a beach hut barman/woman. My husband thinks it is "easier" to work behind a desk. I have a lot of mental energy, I am a fighter, I need to fight and I cant fight the demons behind a desk I need to do something physical. Yes we may be able to earn a more money behind a desk (although in this economy that is debatable) but that is not what this is about. I realise that catering/hospitality can be hard work but so is sitting behind a desk in a stressful job slowly having the life sucked out of you. I would love to give it a go. <br />
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Now more than ever I am determined to cut the chains and break into a new way of living. Come August/September at the latest we are out of there.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-89150751442036620312012-05-27T15:41:00.001+01:002012-05-27T15:47:35.813+01:00Un lugar encantador<div style="text-align: justify;">
Well I've been here two weeks now and time has gone quickly.</div>
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I have lots to say, mostly about how I do love it here and how it is such a special place. There is something that keeps drawing me back here. <br />
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The good thing is that I was OK here on my own. I did not feel uncomfortable going out to eat by myself, it feels perfectly safe to go hiking or for a walk in the evening. I remember my first night here, I went to eat at a place I have been to before many times, a small restaurant overlooking the sea. Here the proprietor will stop and talk and sit with me and have a drink, we talk about the weather, about business, family etc, we speak in Spanglish but we get by. The ambiente is real. I feel that I just want to melt into his table and never leave. Then after two and a half hours I left and as I walked passed a bar a familiar face called me in and we had a drink etc. I got home at 1 am, tired but so content. I spent the grand total of 15 Euros. I cant do things like that in the UK, I would never go out to eat on my own.</div>
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I have realised that I have got into such a rut in the UK, I have become almost a recluse. It is so nice to be out and about talking to people, sometimes I don't see anyone for days on end apart from my husband who leaves at 7.00 am and walks back through the door at 8.00pm. It has made me realise that I do want a life where I am outdoors more, where the weather is better, where I can be at the coast, where I can eat out and it doesnt cost a fortune, where I can go out and speak to people, it doesnt have to be deep and meaningful conversations all the time, it is therapy for me just to interact with people. </div>
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But, by the middle of the first week I really started to miss my husband, at least he is here now for two weeks.<br />
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Sometimes I think I want to stay here forever, but then I wonder would it be enough, what would I "do" here, I think about asking one of my contacts for a job but then I chicken out.<br />
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I do see this place playing a central part of our future plans, I just don't know yet to what extent. I am here for two more weeks and I wonder, will I stay a bit longer or will I return as planned. I wonder whether I could tolerate the heat and the influx of people in July and August.<br />
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</div>Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-32444084451008851482012-05-16T15:15:00.000+01:002012-05-16T15:15:25.300+01:00ReliefI'm in Ibiza.<br />
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I'm so grateful to be here, it is such a relief to escape those dull grey shores. <br />
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This is a wonderful place where land meets sea, I am at the far norfth of the island away from mass tourism. I am at my home for the next month. So far so good. I have received such a warm welcome from familiar faces. <br />
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I will write more in due course. I am feeling very unwell, I think I have picked up something nasty on the plane.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-17115346425950056542012-04-24T17:09:00.001+01:002012-04-24T17:09:24.571+01:00New DirectionsWell I am REALLY looking forward to going to Ibiza for a month. It will be a nice rest from cooking and cleaning etc. I have never wanted to be a house wife. Which way is the office? Only joking.<br />
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But seriously, I said to DH the other day that I would prefer to be the one going out to work and he could clean house, do endless chores and ensure that my evening meal is on the table. I hate cooking but I enjoy good food. I would love to eat out more but it is so expensive and I really begrudge paying lots of money for what is mediocre food at best. <br />
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We have decided that DH will come out for a holiday to visit me when I am in Ibiza. <br />
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DH is at last getting fed up of the office. So it is agreed that we are leaving the UK in August and we are going to be travelling indefinitely. Well it isn't so much going travelling but rather nomadic living as a lifestyle choice. The rough plan is that we will head over to northern Spain and in September we will make our way down to Portugal. We are going to load up the car and initially we are going to camp. Thereafter we hope to find somewhere nice to stay a while in Portugal and get some accommodation.<br />
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So that's the rough plan. It is a very rough plan but deliberately so. For a change we ARE going to go with the flow and not get obsessed about filling in the blanks and the future. I really want to try a different way of living. <br />
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I don't want to settle here in the UK. I don't want to buy a house here. I dont want to be tied down I want to be free to go where I please. That is the way I feel at the moment, whether that will change I don't know.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-33997238237509596262012-04-10T15:26:00.000+01:002012-04-10T15:33:45.528+01:00round and aroundSo we haven't moved out of the rented house....yet. <br />
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We have agreed with the landlord that we will stay for a while longer but only on a month to month basis.</div>
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There has been a lot of negative energy around here about where to go, put simply DH and I do not see eye to eye about future plans. DH wants to continue working for a while until it reaches a natural end., ie until he is given notice. The problem is that the end might be next month or it might not be until another several months. I just don't see the point in hanging around for a temporary job when I am climbing the walls here to get going. If we had a place of our own here it might be different, but hanging around here in a rented not very nice house waiting for DH to get home all day is really soul destroying. DH says that he wants the extra money and he does not want to endure the heat in southern europe in the summer. </div>
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Personally I am suspicious of the delaying tactics. After a bit of interrogation DH said that he is scared of being hot and bored, but he is prepared to go to Portugal in September.<br />
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To me September is like writing off the whole year. What if we want different things?<br />
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So, it strikes me that I need to up and go myself.<br />
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And so I am off to Ibiza for a month, I really cannot wait to go. I will be at our usual haunt in the north of the island. There is plenty there for me to do. I have booked a flight on 14th May to come back roughly one month later. </div>
<br />It seems like a long time until the middle of May.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-48991985833737223552012-04-02T14:37:00.001+01:002012-04-02T14:41:54.438+01:00monday bluesThe date for moving out of the rented house is fast approaching. We cannot decide where to go and what to do for the best. There is so much indecision that "it" feels completely overwhelming.<br />
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After much thought I have told DH that I do not want to to rent another house while he is at work all day and I am left on my own. I see little point in moving to a high cost of living area for a temporary job. The job could end at any time and then we are stuck with paying for an expensive lease out of pocket. <br />
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We are meant to be moving out in two weeks time. I don't know where to go for the best. I think we are going to go on a road trip, perhaps we will put the car on the ferry to Spain and drive down to Portugal. We were very impressed with southern Portugal on our recent trip and we both feel that it somewhere where we could spend time. Money seems to go further in Portugal than Ibiza, although Portugal is no longer the very cheap place it was years ago. <br />
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I don't know if it is a good idea or not but I have to try something different. I MUST NOT lose my nerve this time because quite frankly I am scared. I need to feel that DH is in agreement with this and that I am not constantly dragging him along by his coat tail. DH keeps demanding that I come up with a plan, and well .... I haven't really got a plan.<br />
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I am starting to really despair at our situation, or really I am exasperated with myself. I wonder why I have struggled to find contentment, I have never fitted in anywhere, I see things differently to others. I cant relate to the mindless plodding and the banality of modern life. There is no social support for alternative thinkers. Some people may wonder what makes a person this way, what makes a person so that they cant settle that they never find peace, that they never fit, that they wander to here and there, that they have no cohesion to anywhere or anything.<br />
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To those people I say lucky you, lucky lucky you.<br />
<br />Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-12231314285367210952012-03-16T17:19:00.001+00:002012-03-16T17:21:44.972+00:00a break in PortugalWe are moving out of our rented house in South Wales.<br />
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We gave the landlord one month's notice yesterday. It is time to move on and try new things.<br />
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DH wants to continue to work where he is but he is fed up of the long commute every day. We have agreed to move over the border to England and give it a go there for a while. Hopefully we are going to be in the Cotswold area so it should be ideal for the great outdoors. The area is more prosperous, hopefully the economic market is better so I may be able to pick up some work. <br />
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DH does not want to go off wandering at the moment, I have told him that we will move and give it a go for a while in the new place, but I need something for me, I need to decide whether I want to live in one place or whether I want to try a bit of a nomadic life or just do something different abroad for a while. <br />
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I've said it before and I'll say it again, <em>The Escape</em> was not about never working again, it was about having freedom from the obligation to work <em>all the time</em>. We always knew that we would have to do some work to top up our income, I just haven't found the flexibility that I thought I would. I suppose I was a bit naive really. As for the escaping Britain well....obviously I haven't done this yet, I have known for a long time that I don't want to settle here, but realistically is there any other choice? We don't have lottery type money to "retire" on, so we have to continue to earn some money and work at least part of the year, inflation can be a silent killer to savings over the years.<br />
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I have been suffering with some health problems recently, fatigue, nausea, malaise etc. The GP thinks it could be ME or Depression. Blood tests all came back fine. I think it could be the side effects of some prescription medication I have been taking, so I am throwing them away. I am so sensitive to medication.<br />
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So next week we are off to Portugal for 7 days. We are going to the western Algarve to a place called Lagos. Hopefully we will relax, do some walking, go to the spa etc. <br />
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I also want to have a general look around the quieter parts of the Algarve to see if it might be somewhere we could either spend time or live.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-24177052077425130482012-02-27T15:24:00.001+00:002012-02-27T15:33:29.107+00:00random stuffI mentioned previously that I had been working. The role was meant to last for six weeks. It actually lasted for three and a half months. To my great surprise I really enjoyed the role. I enjoyed using my brain again and earning money. The work was interesting, the boss was fairly laid back. The real downside was that the journey to and from the office took a round trip of 8 hours. Because the role was so far away from "home" I had to stay in a hotel for at least 4 nights a week. Eventually I come to an agreement with the boss that I would work part time, just 2 days a week, but even that got too much for me. The problem was that they wanted me in the office every week. This is work that could easily be done on a lap top from home. It was not necessary to be in the office every day, we don't see clients every day. I offered to work remotely and come into the office every other week but no deal. <br />
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So I left.<br />
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It never ceases to amaze me that many employers today just don't move with the times, we still have this antiquated way of working of having to be in an office all day every day, its like an extension of school. <br />
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But now I regret it in a way because I am yet again extremely bored. So back to square one with a few more pounds in my pocket. I found that working was a great distraction from the nagging issues on my mind, such as why am I this way? who am I? where am I going? where will I end up? will it all crash and burn?<br />
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There is no work around here. I live in an economic black spot. A job at McDonalds is advertised and a thousand people apply for it. I've got no chance. I keep trying to get out of law but I keep getting sucked back in because legal employers are the only people who seem to be interested in paying for my labour.<br />
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DH is working again on a contract role, which may last for the next six months. DH enjoys working. But where does that leave me? I want to pack up and go get out of this country. What is there to stay for?<br />
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What I really want is a home somewhere with a bit of land. I want DH to finish work so we can explore Portugal in depth with a view to getting something or at least having a much better idea of what it has to offer. I've also got a plan to tour the west coast of the USA in an RV. I also want to go back to Ibiza. The problem is that DH says that we should earn money while we can, while we are still young enough, while our skills and experience are still in demand. I don't really know whether we want the same thing. I think he worries about money. Sometimes I worry about money, who doesn't? But when is enough <em>enough? </em>I think we need to be creating a different lifestyle rather than trying to obtain more money.<br />
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My attitude is more lets just go and makle it work somehow. Do or go under. <br />
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Tomorrow is not guaranteed.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-77375728159599716042012-01-23T17:22:00.000+00:002012-01-23T17:22:50.706+00:00FearI am starting to realise that since the "escape" I have been making decisions based on Fear. <br />
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I realise that I have been searching for certainty. Nothing is 100% risk free is it? I have been guilty of black and white thinking. The constant need to analyse every move and every decision to death is getting me down. It is a difficult habit to break, in part it is attributable to my job, and my depressive thinking is also partly responsible. Being optimistic and carefree is not who I am. I am pessimistic by nature. But I am trying to change. <br />
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We are in the wrong place again. We are going to pack up the rented house and head for new pastures. Will we buy a boat to live on? Or will we finally hold our hands up and admit that we cannot find a sustainable living situation in this country. <br />
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It is fear that is keeping us here in this house. It is fear telling me to buy a house now any sort of house so I will be safe and warm and dry in my old age. But I know deep down that buying a house in this country is not right for us.<br />
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I have struggled to accept the fact that we may never "settle" in one place. We may never build or be part of a community in a traditional sense. Sometimes, well a lot of the time it feels like a large void. I have struggled to deal with the sadness of the past and the fact that I am still suffering from the consequences of the past. My childhood was not peaceful and stable. <br />
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I wonder whether we could live in Spain. We at least need to try.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-26152234968274661302011-12-11T15:34:00.001+00:002011-12-11T15:39:55.785+00:00Working 9 - 5Our stay in Ibiza was wonderful again.<br />
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Whenever I get get off the aeroplane I get this feeling in my chest. It is a difficult feeling to describe, perhaps it is a sense of contentment, a feeling of being home, a feeling of just fitting there. This time the weather was cooler although still warm, we were still able to sit and and swim in November. Even now writing about it I long to be back there. The scenery there is quite dramatic, although part of Spain there is something else going on there, by that I mean that you can still feel the influence of the ancient moors and the Phoenicians. There is something about those green hills, some magic that is difficult to describe.<br />
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Will Ibiza ever be more to us than a place to spend some part of the year? I don't know. Could we afford to live there? Maybe. It would probably require a lottery win for us to buy property there. It is because I don't really know what I want that I cannot make a commitment to anything. How long will I feel <span style="color: black;">like</span> this? Will we ever settle somewhere? Perhaps we just haven't found <em>it</em>. Should we be doing what makes us happy now, or should we be concentrating on building some security for the future, because there is a conflict between the two. <br />
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I have a confession to make. I am working again, doing what I used to do before. BUT it is only a six week contract. The pay is decent. And I am actually enjoying the work. The downside is it requires a hotel stay 4 nights a week. We still have the rented house in Wales which we go to at the weekend.<br />
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I do wonder how some people live in the same place and do the same things and go to the same job all their lives. Personally I have undergone incredible growth and change over the last 10 years. This is part of my issue with settling or committing to something somewhere, what if I change my mind, what if I outgrow it? I have wanted different things at different points in my life. That is why I continue to keep things flexible and non permanent. I continue to rent a house but I question the financial wisdom in this.<br />
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We have resolved to go to Portugal in the spring to have a look around. Perhaps we could find a small home there in a fishing village near the coast. Somewhere not too far from an airport. <br />
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One thing I am sure of is that I want/need to live near the sea. I don't think living out in the sticks is for us, I don't think I am really ready for that yet.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-76606638890815335732011-10-18T17:22:00.000+01:002011-10-18T17:22:58.953+01:00Back to IbizaWell the last few weeks have been difficult.<br />
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Both DH and I have had a huge crisis of confidence about exactly what the hell we are doing, where we are going with our lives etc.<br />
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At the most basic level we are incredibly bored. We lack purpose and direction. We both miss a sense of achievement and having something to focus on.<br />
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When you dont work there is a HUGE amount of free time to fill. We have found that hobbies and outdoor activities only take you so far. DH is really struggling with having lots of unstructured free time. He doesnt like it, he needs something to do everyday.<br />
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We have been unable to secure the casual work that we had hoped for. The economy is fucked. What is the point of being in the UK if we cannot work? This is the question we ask ourselves. <br />
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So we got on a flight and came back to Ibiza.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-65878615674303497752011-09-26T10:49:00.001+01:002011-09-26T10:52:31.742+01:00Isla bonita and a new plan?We are stuck in a rut at the moment. <br />
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We have acknowledged to ourselves that our future does not lie here. We have come to the conclusion that we do not want to buy property here. There is something lacking for us here.<br />
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We need to move forward, on to something else. The problem is that the other options seem just as unpalatable as staying where we are now. We do feel the need to build some security for ourselves. We do not want to get into the rut of paying rent in perpetuity, we are not getting any younger.<br />
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The other problem with renting is that it always feels very temporary. It is difficult therefore to build any sort of life. <br />
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Yet again all of the reasons why I wanted out of the UK in the first place are ringing in my ears like bells. Land/property is too expensive in this country for us. The affordable parts are grim and uninspiring. Anywhere remotely cute/pretty/inspiring costs a fortune and we would have to return to the full time grind for that. <br />
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We have just returned from a break in Ibiza, I could really see us spending a lot of time there. Ibiza off the beaten track is such a beautiful island, its a happy place, chilled out, laid back. But the cost of living there is higher than here. <br />
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We are thinking about living on a narrowboat here so we have a base here and then we can spend time in Ibiza. But a narrowboat is a depreciating asset. I also worry about rust. DH says he can do a lot of the maintenance himself, but I worry that if we wanted to sell the boat in years to come it could be practically worthless through depreciation. <br />
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I just dont know what to do.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-77075673039398994102011-07-29T17:49:00.000+01:002011-07-29T17:49:08.982+01:00A year to the dayIt was a year ago today that I escaped office grind. <br />
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I cant believe that time has passed so quickly. Time never went quickly when I worked the grind. The days, weeks and months used to seem endless.<br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">I have noticed a marked improvement in my physical, mental and emotional health since <em>The Escape</em>. This must be down to the fact that I now no longer work in an office and I moved out of the city. I no longer have the stress of the job. In fact it amazes me how much time work actually consumed of my waking hours.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now I can look out the window and see trees and mountains. I now ride my bike for transportation. DH has the car all week since he is still working away. If I didn't ride my bike I would not be able to get around. I've lost quite a bit of weight being more active. Now I can just ride out of the front door and within minutes I can be at the beach or on a cycle path into the mountains. THAT seems like such a luxury to me. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I always found peace and solace in the outdoors, it calms me it reduces my anxiety. I think more people need to enjoy nature. Contentment and peace of mind is NOT attained by working one's self to the bone. What good is money when health is poor? We do not need to live in big houses with huge mortgages and drive big expensive cars. It is these things which keep us chained to our jobs, the shackles of modern slavery. Less is so much more.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">There are a lot of unanswered questions I have about the future, about how and where we will live our lives. If you had told me a year ago that I would be living where I am living now I would have laughed. I would NEVER have thought that we would be living here. But I believe that you see things with fresh eyes at different points in your life. The truth is I really don't know where we will be next year. Sometimes this saddens me. I really do feel the need to build a home. The itinerant nature of my childhood has carried over into my adult life. Once I joined the professional working world I found that the cycle of moving all the time carried on as I had to go wherever the work was. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I feel I need to rid myself of this gnawing dissatisfaction of being rootless. Or, do I make peace and accept it? Buddhism tells us that the problem is not the problem, the solution is acceptance of the problem.</div>Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-22679645057942023442011-07-01T11:43:00.003+01:002011-07-01T12:26:50.282+01:00Meaningful workWhen I worked the office grind I used to dream and fantasize about unlimited free time. I dreamt of freedom. Freedom from a schedule, freedom from a desk in an office, freedom from the stress of the job. I dreamt of freedom to do whatever I wanted day in day out. Freedom to climb mountains every day. Freedom from cities and concrete buildings. Freedom to cycle through forests with the wind in my hair. I wanted freedom to design my own life.<br /><br />Now that I've got what I want can I handle it? This life is not for everyone. You have to take charge of your own entertainment. People wonder what I do all day, they ask don't I get bored, don't I feel lost without the sense of purpose that work brings?<br /><br />The answer is, no and yes and sometimes. But the truth is that I could not return to my old life now. You see I feel that the work ethic is so ingrained in us that people now cannot imagine life without work, and I find this sad. Most people are not prepared to take responsibility for their own lives, the thought of freedom actually frightens them.<br /><br />But, it was never my intention not to do some sort of "work". Even though its been almost a year since <em>The Escape</em> I am still in the early stages of discovering what I want. The great thing is that I can and do climb mountains most days, I can and do ride my back with the wind in my hair. I now grow vegetables!<br /><br />However I think we humans are complex creatures and like it or not we need other humans around us. The truth is that I do miss some social interaction. I used to think that I wanted to go and live on an island on my own, I was very bitter, angry and dejected. Being somewhat introverted I find socialising difficult.<br /><br />Ideally I would have liked some sort of part time work, something fun like working in a cafe or <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">waitressing</span>. Those jobs are few and far between, and in the area where I live there is great competition for them. These days there is a formal application process for these part time unskilled jobs. You actually need a CV to serve coffee??? My CV is very technical, I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> stand a chance.<br /><br />The other thing is that I do miss the intellectual stimulation of my old job. I have thought about retraining, I'd like to do something involved in public service. But you wonder whether there is any point in retraining without the certainty of a job at the end of it. I looked into retraining as a Nurse, however my GP put me off this and suggested that I study medicine instead. There is a post graduate fast track course in medicine which is designed for mature students with a degree. Now this really got me thinking. I have always been interested in medicine but this is a HUGE <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">commitment</span>. For a while thinking about it I got excited about it. But would I be just trading one treadmill for another? This would be ideal for me in a way that it is helping people, its "giving back". But it is a big <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">commitment</span>. But I do need something to do. This does mean that we are committed to being here for long term.<br /><br />Do we have many other options anyway about where to live? Portugal living is still on my mind but I worry that it could be too one dimensional, I think I may need more variety. I also have to think about DH. DH said he was bored and has gone back to work, its not permanent work, but he has taken a temporary contract for 3 months as a locum. He says he needed something to do and missed the social interaction. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hmmm</span> I do wonder sometimes whether we want the same things.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-33256914233870521182011-05-10T15:36:00.005+01:002011-05-10T16:14:41.902+01:00It isnt hereWell after my last post I woke up this morning and felt completely <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">different</span> about things.<br /><br />Why is it that when I write something on the blog I often change my mind the day after? Is it something to do with the process of blogging?<br /><br />Today I went for a long walk up the mountain. I do my best thinking up there.<br /><br />Sometimes I think so much I feel like my head is going to explode.<br /><br />Today I feel that we are not meant to be here. We are not meant to be living in this country.<br /><br />I just cant fathom how we are going to be able to achieve that life that we truly desire here. We are desperate to settle and to buy our own place, but I just cannot bring myself to buy anything. I just <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> think we would be happy living in an overpriced box.<br /><br />It is fear that is keeping us here. Here we are in a safe little house.<br /><br />But it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">isn't</span> what I want. Even here I feel it is too <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">claustrophobic</span>. Its not as bad as city living, no where near as bad. But it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">doesn't</span> feel right. To feel less <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">claustrophobic</span>, would involve living somewhere more rural which means spending a lot more money, more than I want to spend.<br /><br />We <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> have anything in common with anyone here. I am not sorry that we came here to live for a while <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">because</span> it has given me the chance to have some re-connection with family members after a period of estrangement. But I have realised that I have to make all the effort. No one comes to see us. We have to go and see them. Finally I am at peace with that. Now I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> expect too much. No more drama, no more pain. I want peace in my life.<br /><br />I have to do what is right for DH and I and not what I think would make others happy.<br /><br />We are going to have to make compromises.<br /><br />We are going to have to get to like the sun.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-5782818693358885552011-05-07T15:36:00.005+01:002011-05-07T16:17:57.744+01:00DriftingWhat makes a home? What does the word home mean?<br /><br />Home is something that DH and I still search for. Is home something more than four walls? I always imagined that it would be a safe place where we would feel at peace, content, at "one".<br /><br />We are still unsure of what we will do and where we will live. I used to say to DH that all doors would be considered. But I think we have slowly come to the conclusion that living in southern Europe is probably out of the question for us. The main reason for this is that we like cool weather. We have never been hot weather people or sun worshippers. Mostly we prefer rain and overcast weather. I realise that there probably is a certain level of acclimatisation to the heat but, I don't want to endure, I want to live and enjoy the great outdoors without feeling like we have to hide inside because of the ferocious heat, which is usually what we ended up doing in the past.<br /><br />The other thing is that DH gets bored easily. He does like to have some work to do. DH likes to pick up odd jobs, he likes to feel that he is being useful and he misses the transactional nature of working. This is something that I did not anticipate. I should have realised that DH was probably not as disenchanted with the world of work as I was. This is another issue why moving to southern Europe could be problematic.<br /><br />Another realisation is that I don't feel like I hate living in this country anymore. Yes, there are places where I would REALLY rather live, but I have to face reality that unless I win the lottery or find a a spare half a million dollars so I can buy a green card I will never be able to live in Oregon or Washington state.<br /><br />I think we have also realised that we really want a house of our own. We have looked in the South Wales area and nothing appeals to us, in fact a lot of it is all rather depressing, I mean souless, grey, boring, uninspiring. I dont want to buy the wrong thing and end up regretting it. But if we did find a house we liked it would save us money on rent.<br /><br />I suppose we are just drifting at the moment.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-86342945976011385592011-04-27T14:32:00.002+01:002011-04-27T14:41:57.533+01:00Lets have a republicI <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> believe in elitism.<br /><br />I believe that everyone is equal.<br /><br />I am not a royalist. What a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">beautiful</span> distraction the establishment have given us with the royal wedding. We are living in the worse recession or depression since the 1930's. We have massive unemployment, people that cannot afford to buy a decent house to live in and skyrocketing inflation. Wages <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">haven't</span> grown in real terms for a long time.<br /><br />Never mind about the depression though at least we have the royal wedding to look forward to.<br /><br />I wonder what Castro would have to say about it all.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-4776252832452619332011-02-14T14:31:00.000+00:002011-02-14T17:37:13.003+00:00The quest for balanceThe major problem with working <em>the grind</em> is lack of balance. Its an all or nothing scenario.<br /><br />The major aim of <em>the escape</em>, was to achieve balance in our lives. Instead of living in a concrete jungle and working 5 days a week we wanted to move away from the central focus of our lives being about making money. Now we have achieved that, but we still do not have the balance that we crave. If you like we have gone from "all" to "nothing". From being on the go all the time, to not having very much to do for long passages of time all week.<br /><br />It was never our intention to give up working completely. We had built in the need to do some part time work as part of the escape plan. I am too young and have too much energy to sit around and do nothing. The scary thing is that the less you do the lazier you get.<br /><br />We always thought that we would find some part time work. Something fun to do, nothing to do with law. Perhaps we would work in food retail. But the part time job seems to be very elusive. Strangely, most jobs seem to be full time or 20 hours a week spread over <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">multiple</span> days. We <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> want to work multiple days, and we <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> want to work nights. Its seems that we are living in an area of high unemployed, where the local workforce is largely unskilled and so the sort of jobs that we are looking for are probably in high demand.<br /><br />And lets face it, we could do with the money. One thing that I failed to appreciate before planning the escape was that you need a certain amount of money to entertain yourself when you have a lot of time on your hands. I <em><strong>never</strong></em> thought I would say that. You see when we were working the grind in the concrete jungle, all our spare time was spent doing free things in the outdoors, we were gasping for the outdoors and that fresh mountain air, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">literally</span>.<br /><br />I dont know what the solution is. Perhaps where we are is not the place for us long term. It would be lovely to achieve that balance though.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2851511678707015789.post-11058603723621910582011-01-16T11:09:00.010+00:002011-01-16T13:43:26.004+00:00so far so goodIts been nearly six months since <em>The Escape</em><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgjHCFaq7z4-jKDWHsDRZk5djaMihnTbUTrold-hqDcxcZMNEUu1kpTTGBjckvnA0TC5E5X4szuo5sRS4ipI_WrJjY0w9QRHKE87tZ2AYMYKbtr0iL8dhWexKOEh_7-TcvzzkzeKYhAw0/s1600/403493_1.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 224px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5562739735060442738" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgjHCFaq7z4-jKDWHsDRZk5djaMihnTbUTrold-hqDcxcZMNEUu1kpTTGBjckvnA0TC5E5X4szuo5sRS4ipI_WrJjY0w9QRHKE87tZ2AYMYKbtr0iL8dhWexKOEh_7-TcvzzkzeKYhAw0/s320/403493_1.jpg" /></a>. That six months has flown by. Honestly, time did not pass so quickly when we were working the grind. The days just fly by here.<br /><br />So how are we feeling? Well I have to say that I feel that there has been a vast improvement in my emotional health. It was really this aspect that was probably the biggest concern to me. I think that living in Manchester city centre was completely the wrong place for us to live. It simply wasn't congruent with who we are and what we needed out of life. We were there simply to earn money and that was it.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><strong>Photo - <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Afan</span></span> Valley</strong></span><br /><br />I still don't know what we will do long term. Some days I think we might stay here, other days I don't know whether where we are living at the moment offers all we truly desire. Here we have mountains and coast on our doorstep. There are bike trails and hiking trails and of course the beach. Housing is relatively cheap to buy here. People are friendly. Life is just so much easier here, but perhaps a lot of that is not having to work. I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> want to portray this place as being perfect or <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">idyllic</span> because it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">isn't</span>.<br /><br />But there is something stopping me. Sometimes I feel that it is simply too early to think about putting down roots and that we should keep our options open. The other thing is that everywhere I have ever lived I have wanted to move on within a few years!<br /><br />The other issue on my mind is self sufficiency. The rising cost of living is a concern. If you own your own "house" outright, grow your own food and perhaps even produce some of your own fuel then you can at least insulate yourself from inflation, peak oil etc. Cost of land in this country is prohibitive. So what about going abroad to do this?<br /><br />Going abroad is such a huge decision. It is a huge decision to make because its got to be the right decision otherwise it is very complicated to undue. Since we are forced to focus on living in Europe one possible ideal location which springs to mind is Portugal.<br /><br />I still want a little house with some land in the woods surrounded by trees. Rural Portugal offers some great bargains. Lets say we can buy some land with a building licence for 20k Euros. Somewhere where we can grow our own food, drink our own water, have a wood burning stove and burn our own wood from the forest. Somewhere where we can achieve some measure of self sufficiency. We could live there very cheaply, possibly on half of what we are living on at the moment. We could have a better quality of life, a "house" outright, space and some land. There would be money for weekend excursions down to the coast, long lazy lunches out etc.<br /><br />But how much money would it take to make a semi ruin habitable? I suppose this could be a long discussion in itself. Could we do it for another 20 - 30k Euros on top of the price of the land? Is this realistic? We would need to get professional help in to do this.<br /><br />I think it would be a mistake to view the self sufficient life as an "easy" life. Growing your own food and working your land etc is hardly "easy". The other thing you have to factor in is how would we fare when we are old? What support systems would be in place? I mean would you get to a point where you would be unable to grow food and chop wood? Patricia in <a href="http://www.livingthedreamportugal.blogspot.com/">http://www.livingthedreamportugal.blogspot.com/</a> recently reminded me that it takes a lot of hard work for her and her husband to sustain their current lifestyle. Would we be so keen or indeed able to swing an axe when we are in our 70's or 80's? I also wonder whether DH and I are really ready for rural Portugal?<br /><br />There is also the concern of the recent economic troubles in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Portugal</span></span>. Portugal has been living beyond its means for sometime. I worry about high inflation of the sort that we have seen recently in Greece. I have been going to Greece for the last 10 years and I have seen a great increase in the cost of goods and services in that time.<br /><br />And lets not forget the long hot summers. Could I or could we put up with the heat? How hot does it get? We dont really like the heat. Would we be enduring instead of living?<br /><br />So I am on the look out for a sustainable living solution. I want a base, a home of my own. Being a travelling nomad does not interest me.<br /><br />What say you? Speak your mind.Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07805228653702563060noreply@blogger.com16